Many of you won't read this journal and even more of you won't finish this journal, but what the hell, I might as well at least leave you guys with some idea of why I will be missing. While I am typing this journal, I might as well also tell you guys the truth. I haven't been doing ANY of your requests and may never do so. I just said yes to all of you because I wanted to give you guys hope of getting something you'd LOVE for free, but I simply have been too absorbed by college and now the death of my great grandmother to really have any motivation to actually do anything practical and now I have absolutely no more artistic flow left inside me. So if you feel offended and want to remove me from your watch, or whatever you find appropriate for me being such a lying, cheeky bastard, go ahead, I deserve it.
My great grandmother passed on today at the ripe age of 96 years old. She was acting totally normal about nine, ten days ago. Then disaster strikes; literally out of nowhere she was bed-ridden and diagnosed with terminal cancer that turned into aggressive cancerous tumors that took over most of her body. Her last few days were nothing but pain, so I decided to give up some of my college time to go see her one last time, but by the time I got there to see her, she had already died. While I was denied seeing my great grandmother for one last time alive, I at least got to see her one last time and say my final goodbye... I don't know how I should feel, I'm now more paranoid of cancer than I have ever been and I can't help but feel almost sick to my stomach over the thought of this kind, strong woman being taken short of one hundred years of age because the healthcare system here in America is so fucking corrupt that they'd let those who deserve to enjoy their last moments of life die as painfully as possible just so they can make a few bucks -- even though they have the cure. I can't think straight; I have ABSOLUTELY NO urge to draw, talk, or do anything productive. I still feel that she's somehow still here though, oh and how I hope there's something better than this shit country after death. Literally anything is better than the U.S.A. FUCK THE U.S.A.!!!!!!!!!
First my grandpa dies in February during my finals leaving me with no choice but to stay in Philadelphia and study so I wouldn't fail my finals, but miss my grandfather's funeral in the process. Then my great grandmother dies only one day away from Easter when she was laughing only a few days prior... No one is going to be happy tomorrow, we'll all be putting on our best tuxes and fake smiles in hopes that if we pretend we're still happy, then we'll somehow be happy. But we all know that deep down, we're all a total fucking mess inside now.
Listening to: The sound of my breathe.
Watching: The Moniter